🐦 By Bjørge, the Great Spotted Woodpecker, Supreme Ruler of the Farm
Good morning, peasants!
It is I, Bjørge, your beloved (and slightly unhinged) farm mascot. You may think life on the farm is peaceful, a charming little paradise tucked away in the countryside. But let me tell you something—this place is CHAOS. And I, of course, am at the center of it all.
Morning Duties: Peck, Eat, Supervise
My day starts early, just before sunrise. I sit at my Royal Feeding Throne (a.k.a. the bird feeder) and observe the strange activities of the creatures below. The human, who refills my glorious banquet, seems to think I’m just here for the sunflower seeds. Fool. I’m also running surveillance on all suspicious movements in the area.
From my high vantage point, I keep an eye on my kingdom—trees, the road, certain humans (who shall not be named yet), and anything that dares trespass into my domain. Squirrels? Annoying little acrobats. Magpies? Too chatty. Random cats? Disgusting.
Farm Life and the Struggle for Power
The humans who “own” this farm seem completely unaware that I am the one in charge. They go about their days, making noise, driving around, and occasionally staring at the sky as if something profound is happening. Meanwhile, I must manage diplomatic relations with the other birds, defend my feeder from invaders, and maintain my reputation as the loudest, most dramatic creature around.
Suspicious Activity Report
Now, I’m not saying I have reason to be suspicious, but let’s just say some certain individuals have been acting odd lately. I’ve noticed movements on the neighboring land, an increase in vehicle activity, and some highly questionable behavior near the fence line.
But alas, I am merely a woodpecker. A handsome, intelligent, all-powerful woodpecker—but a woodpecker nonetheless. So, I shall continue to observe, report, and, if necessary, unleash my mighty pecking wrath.
Coming Soon: More Chaos!
My next report will include updates on food shortages (aka the humans being lazy with refilling my feeder), my battle against the magpies, and my ongoing investigation into The Mystery of the Moving Objects. Stay tuned, my loyal subjects!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some extremely important pecking to do. End transmission.
📸 Bonus: A video of myself gracefully eating sunflower seeds 🐦
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