A thrilling tale of life, death, and one man handling a tiny bird like it was a live grenade.
The Scene of the Crime
This is when things went from tragic… to absolutely ridiculous.
It all started with a murder attempt.
Not mine—I’m too fast. But my tiny, clueless baby? Not so much.
I was out for my morning patrol when I heard screams.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Bjørge, aren’t you overreacting? Birds scream all the time.”
No. This was different.
I raced to the scene and found my kid getting WRECKED by the neighborhood delinquent: a skjære (magpie).
Now, I respect the hustle of stealing shiny things, but attempted murder at my doorstep? That’s a war crime.
The magpie dive-bombed my baby, slammed it into the balcony, and continued its WWE-style beatdown right in front of the human’s house.
THEN—BOOM!
The human, in his infinite wisdom, saw what was happening and did the most logical thing:
HE SLAMMED HIS HAND AGAINST THE WINDOW LIKE A MAN TRYING TO SCARE OFF DEBT COLLECTORS.
The magpie, shook to its core, fled like it had just seen a ghost.
My baby, however, lay there… completely motionless.
The Human Meltdown Begins
The Human Meltdown Begins
This is when things went from tragic… to absolutely ridiculous.
Step 1: Enter Full Panic Mode
The human stared at my baby, trying to process what had just happened.
You could see the wheels turning in his brain, except they were square-shaped and on fire.
Step 2: “I NEED GEAR!”
Instead of just picking up my poor kid like a normal person, the human went into full biohazard containment mode.
🔹 RAN to the garage like he was about to defuse a bomb.
🔹 Dug through piles of forgotten equipment looking for a cage that probably hadn’t seen daylight since the Viking Age.
🔹 Put on thick rubber gloves, as if my tiny baby was carrying the plague.
I was screaming at him (“JUST PICK IT UP!”), but all he heard was “chirp chirp.”
So instead of saving my child quickly, he wasted a solid 10 minutes preparing like he was about to perform open-heart surgery.
When he finally returned, my baby had stopped struggling.
Not because it was dead.
But because it had lost the will to live after witnessing this absolute circus.
The Emergency Hotline & The Ultimate Decision
Finally, the human placed my baby inside the cage (like he was capturing a wild tiger) and did the unthinkable:
He called for backup.
Enter: Jonas.
The local hunter. The bird expert. The voice of reason in a world of nonsense.
Jonas, cool as always, gave him a number for bird rescue.
And THEN came the moment of truth:
They agreed that if my baby was too weak to survive, Jonas would handle things in a way that was… final.
(Translation: The human was too emotionally fragile to make the tough call, so he outsourced the decision.)
But guess what?
THE BABY WAS A WARRIOR.
Despite looking like it had just been thrown out of a tornado, it started to move, eat, drink.
And the human? He just sat there, watching. Waiting. Muttering things about “hoping it would be okay” like a worried dad at a kid’s soccer game.
The Big Release – A Comeback Story
The next day, something amazing happened.
The baby woke up feeling like Rocky Balboa after training in the mountains.
It was jumping, flapping, ready to go.
The human, now emotionally invested, hesitated.
What if it’s not ready?
What if it falls?
What if it doesn’t even say goodbye??
But my baby had had enough.
The second that cage door opened—BOOM.
It shot out like a missile, straight toward the legendary oak trees.
I could hear the human gasp behind me, probably wiping a tear, whispering,
“Fly, my child. Be free.”
I swear, if he had violin music, he would have played it.
And the best part?
The baby landed right on a 600-year-old oak tree, the same ones that have survived wars, storms, and now, human incompetence.
🎬 BONUS VIDEO – A Mother’s Victory Lap 🏆
Like an action hero returning after the final battle, I swooped in with my baby, back at the birdhouse where it all began.
And what did I do?
I fed my little warrior. Right there.
A proper motherly flex.
For all the magpies watching, this was my way of saying:
“Nice try. Better luck next time, losers.”
For the human watching from the window?
He was probably whispering “I helped raise that one.”
(Spoiler: No, you didn’t. But thanks for the dramatic rescue.)
This is the real ending to our story.
Not just survival—a full-circle moment of triumph.
🔥 The comeback is complete. The chaos is over. The legend lives on. 🔥
(Until the next disaster… Stay tuned.) 😆
🔴 The Red Bird Prophecy – A Funeral, a Suspicious Spot, and a Human Who Attempted CPR on a Bird 🔴
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